Leaving behind a situation marked by violence and addiction is not an easy path. It takes time, support and, above all, the chance to trust again and rebuild a life of one’s own. Drawing on her experience at the Espacio Ariadna of the Health and Community Foundation (FSC), A. shares her recovery process, the challenges she has faced as a woman and the importance of receiving care that addresses both the violence she experienced and her addiction. In this testimony, she also speaks out about the stigma, prejudice and social judgement that still surround many women, and calls for listening, understanding and support without judgement.
– What led you to decide to break away from the situation of violence and substance use you were living in and begin your recovery?
There came a point when I needed to get out of the situation that was hurting me. Violence and substance use were part of a stage of my life when I wasn’t well. Taking that step wasn’t easy, because getting out of a situation like that isn’t just about leaving: you also have to start rebuilding yourself on the inside. I needed help, and I decided to give myself the chance to start again.
– How did you come to FSC’s Espacio Ariadna and what did finding this service mean to you?
I came through support services. I needed a place where I could work on both the violence I had experienced and my addiction, because for me they were linked and I needed comprehensive care.
In my case, coming to the Espacio Ariadna was a turning point. I found a place where I could start to focus on myself and my recovery. At first I had a lot of inner work to do, but little by little I gained confidence, learned to recognise my emotions and began to trust myself again.
– Which aspects of the Espacio Ariadna would you highlight as particularly important in supporting your recovery and the rebuilding of your life plans?
For me, it’s a combination of things. When you’re in a situation like that, you don’t just have to get away from your surroundings, you also have to work on what is happening inside you. You need a safe space where you can grow inwardly and learn, not just distance yourself from the addiction or the violence. At the Espacio Ariadna we work on different areas of our lives. There are violence and addiction groups, individual psychological care and educational support. We also work on goals related to independence, training, work and living together. It’s not just about being somewhere safe, but about getting to know yourself, acquiring tools and preparing to build a life of your own.
– What relationship do you think there is between experiences of violence and substance use? How can they influence each other?
In my experience, the violence and the addiction were closely linked and kept harming each other. Substance use can become a way of trying not to feel, or of escaping from what you are going through, but it doesn’t heal the pain. That’s why I think it’s important to work on both. Stopping using isn’t enough: you also need to work on the emotional wounds and learn other ways of dealing with what you feel.
– We know that the violence and addiction groups run at the centre have helped you. What exactly have they given you?
The violence groups have helped me to put a name to things I had experienced and perhaps couldn’t identify before. I have learned to recognise behaviours that are not love, to better understand boundaries and to value my own needs. I have also learned that I am not responsible for the violence that another person inflicts on me.
The addiction groups have helped me to better understand my relationship with alcohol, to recognise risky situations and to become aware that recovery requires a daily commitment. I have learned that it is not just about not drinking, but about finding other ways of managing emotions and facing difficulties without turning to alcohol. For me, staying sober has been an important achievement.
The groups are also a safe, therapeutic space where we are given tools to understand what leads us to use, through our emotions, how we feel and how we can manage what happens to us. It’s about learning to hold our emotions, to live through them and move through them, without turning to an outside crutch such as alcohol. Fear, the urge to escape, impatience, unhappiness and difficulty trusting are also part of life. We can’t always be happy or expect everything to turn out well. We have to learn to get through what happens to us as it comes, without constantly trying to stay in a state of happiness.
– What has individual psychological care given you?
It has helped me to look inwards and to make room for emotions that for a long time I found hard to face, especially sadness. I have learned that I don’t have to cover it up or run away from it, but that I can feel it and go through it without it destroying me. We can’t be fine all the time, but we won’t always be sad either. Things change and we have to learn to deal with them without going to extremes. For me, learning to be with my emotions has been one of the greatest achievements of this process.
– What have you discovered about yourself during this time?
I have discovered that I am more capable than I thought, that I am persistent and that I can commit to my recovery. Also, that being strong doesn’t mean coping with everything alone. I am learning to ask for help, to set boundaries and to treat myself with more respect. And I am discovering that I can trust myself again.
I have also learned that things are built little by little. You can’t expect to have everything at once or change what you feel in ten minutes. Sometimes a small action, or simply holding on and breathing for one more day, already counts for a lot, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.
– Throughout your process you have had to face various challenges and difficulties. What have been the most important ones and how have you overcome them?
One of the biggest difficulties for me has been facing my emotions without running away from them and learning to live with sadness. Staying sober and rebuilding my confidence have also been challenges. Sometimes the process stirs up a lot of things, but I have learned that moving forward doesn’t mean being fine every day, but carrying on working even on the hard days.
– We know that, in some way, you have felt social stigma, judgement, prejudice or discrimination…
Yes, I have felt judged and humiliated by people who didn’t really know my story. I have also had to set boundaries with people around me, because I realised that some relationships were harming me. Sometimes the people close to you try to offer solutions they think are best for you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are helping you to get to know yourself or find your own way.
I think there is still a great deal of ignorance about gender-based violence and addiction. Sometimes women are judged without anyone knowing what lies behind their situation, as if being in it were a choice. I also think addiction is perceived differently in men and women. Women are expected to cope with everything, to look after others and to carry a lot of responsibilities. It’s as if we aren’t allowed to have a problem or go through a hard time. We need more understanding and less judgement.
That’s why I feel very lucky to have found FSC’s Espacio Ariadna and to have met people who have trusted me without judging me. I didn’t need to explain much to them: they simply listened to me. It has been hard for me to let my emotions out, but now I can express them and live them. For me, it’s very important to be able to say how I feel, acknowledge that I’m not well and accept that I can’t cope with everything.
I have also learned that asking for help is important, even from people you have no previous bond with. That bond is built through every small gesture, through listening and through being able to express yourself and cry without feeling that you have to cope with everything.
– Where are you now in your process?
I am now building a life with more stability, security and independence. I have completed a health and social care training course, I am waiting to start my work placement and I have begun to gain some work experience.
I am also working on building a support network outside the service and finding safe spaces. I am still at the Espacio Ariadna, but I am at a stage where I want to consolidate everything I have learned and keep moving forward.
– To close the interview, what would you say to a woman going through a situation similar to the one you experienced?
I would tell her to be brave, that she is not alone and not to judge herself. That she doesn’t deserve what is happening to her and that she can get out of that situation. She doesn’t have to cope with everything on her own. I would also tell her that asking for help is a skill, not a weakness. Every process is different and everyone needs their own time to move forward. There is a way out, even if you can’t see it at first. And, above all, that she hasn’t lost her worth as a person: she can find herself again and build a different life.